Forever

Alice:  How long is forever?

White Rabbit:  Sometimes just one second…

 

time-2In the perfect drop of a single second, this second I hold in my hand, there is captured there a reflection of every other moment that has gone before.   Like a perfect drop of rain that contains a tiny picture of everything that surrounds it, everything that presses in on it, it holds deep within a perfect miniature; a still-life. This second…this one that is ticking by right…now…holds a tiny picture of every memory of my past.  Each event that occurred and that led me to this day.  To who I am in this moment.  This second contains all that made me, that formed me.  Everything that has been.  Everything that broke me.  It holds within itself every second that has passed before until it became now.

All that was, that is and that will be is held in this one perfect drop of time. The past.  The present.  The future.  What might have been.  What was.  What is. What will be.  Merged.  In one single drop.  One second.  Forever, all wrapped up in that tiny droplet.

One second holds every memory when you live within it because without the passage of time, that moment is an eternity.  It is only when you step outside of the single perfect drop of that single perfect second that you lose yourself and all the things that are hidden by the movement of time.

When you walk outside of time, within that which is encased in the drop, you reconnect with those things that pierced you.  That brought joy.  That built you.  Only then can you remember what you have tucked away for safekeeping in the quiet and darkness of your soul.

Sometimes forever is nothing more than the blink of an eye.

Sometimes it is an eternity.  Perfectly encased in that place time cannot touch.

When I step out of time, as I will, as will we all at some point, I can only hope I will again be able to see all of those memories, those events, those experiences, those horrors and even the few grains of goodness, from a different perspective.  From a place of wisdom.  I can only pray I will again be able to see and reclaim the things I placed in that one second to preserve what I knew would otherwise be lost.

In that one quick flash, there is contained the ember that used to burn within me, lost to me as the seconds washed over me and the years flew from my hand.  It burns there still from inside that one bubble, a quiet flame, waiting to be reignited.  I cannot see it from my perspective outside the drop.  I can only vaguely view the reflection.  But when I step outside of time,  into that instant that holds all others, perhaps that fire will again warm me and give me the hope I need to keep going forward into whatever awaits me beyond this dimension.

Perhaps then I will be able to reclaim the bloody, bludgeoned little girl who was so horribly sexually abused by the father she adored.  The little girl who perished in a flash.  The innocent child I left behind in my bedroom because she was too damaged to live.  Too wounded to survive.  I walked out of that room and left her behind all those years ago.  Frozen in that moment in time.  Captured in that single droplet.  There she has waited for me all these years.  Waited for me to find her.  For me to accept her.  To return to who I was.  Who I was meant to be.  Who I could have been.  And who I am.

How long is forever?  Sometimes, it is just one second.  One final second.  A second that escorts us to that place where time is left behind and we can finally see clearly.  Where all the pieces fit together.  And we are at last made whole.

 

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