Somebody Has to Pay

There are things in life that happen – either to or because of us – that have consequences.  Things that have a cost.  There is a price to be paid.  And someone is going to pay the price for those things, one way or another.

Because somebody has to pay.

Because the things that happen are so big, so significant, so terrible…somebody, somebody has to pay.

Incest and child sexual abuse, those are big significant and terrible things.  They have consequences.  Trust me, they do.

Unfortunately, society is such that the abuser often goes unpunished.  Because children are too shamed or afraid to tell.  And by the time they find their voice, the arbitrary “statute of limitations” has run out.  As if, when the crime took place 7, 10, 15 or more years prior, it is no longer valid.  The abuser should no longer be held accountable.  Because the rape, fondling, molestation, penetration, sexual use of the child is no longer relevant because too many years have passed since the victim escaped.  So the abuser is not held accountable.  The abuser doesn’t have to pay.

How can it be that people can actually believe this?  How can anyone believe that the passage of time expunges the crime of incest?  The crime of sexual abuse against a child?

Don’t fool yourself.  Someone pays.  Someone always pays.  The child who was sexually abused, they pay.  They are the ones who pay every day of their life.  Over and over and over and over again, they pay.  If no one else pays, they most certainly do.  The pay the price.  A million times over.

Because somebody has to pay.

I know.  I know because I went through it.  I lived it.

I have been paying for what my father did to me.  Over and over and over and over again, I have paid.  He didn’t pay.  I forgave him.  Protected him.  He didn’t pay at all because I didn’t want him to.  Never paid.  Never even admitted he did anything wrong.  Thought he was justified because, in his estimation, I “turned out okay.”  So he must have not done that bad of a job raising me.  He must have been a good father.  Never mind the fact he raped and abused me.  Minor technicality.

Talk about delusion.  Total delusion.

I have paid the price.  I am still paying the price.

I didn’t want my father to have to pay.  I just wanted help.  I wanted to be free of him.  I wanted to live my life without being a destroyed person.  I wanted to be whole.  To move on.  To never have him touch me again.

I sacrificed to protect him.  But I didn’t want to have to pay for what he did.  I didn’t want it to destroy my life.

But I paid.

And I am.  Still paying.

Still paying.

After all these years.

It happened to me.  Not because of me.  But somehow, it’s my fault.

Somebody had to pay.

One of us had to pay.  I let him off the hook.

So I guess that “somebody” was…me.

 

3 thoughts on “Somebody Has to Pay”

  1. The societies we live in these days are losing their stability. We as humans are losing our values. That is something none of us can deny. Those who go through the pain of being a victim, as u had written, are the ones who often have to offer sacrifices. But if we see through the whole thing, these (such victims) are the people who’ve at least learnt not to bring pain to others as they have themselves felt how bad that is. Some of them are raising voices against the bad, some are busy protecting others from the evils they were afflicted with, some are helping others in standing up after they had fallen. So, if we analyze, these people apart from all the bad that they had to suffer from, have also learnt certain things others don’t have.

    1. So true, which is why I didn’t have children (because I didn’t want to take a chance that I would hurt them as I had been hurt – even though I knew I would never abuse them). I would rather die than hurt someone the way I was hurt. I don’t want to pass along the pain. Thank you for reading and commenting.

      1. we can also look at the other side of the coin i.e. to have children and raise them to become good people that the world lacks. Why not make them the ones protecting and helping others, thus contributing to the society?

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