Darkness Comes

Darkness comes in many forms. 

Sometimes it is at its deepest in the middle of a bright, sunny day.  Sometimes it is most inky in the middle of a cold, lonely night.  It creeps in during a too-quiet morning.  On a stressful, chaotic afternoon.   On a rainy day.  Slinking in with the  setting of the sun.  The rising of the sun.  Of the moon.

Turning on the lights will not banish it.  Nor will smiling when in pain or willing yourself to ignore your fear, loneliness and anguish.

When darkness comes calling, you can’t lock the doors to keep it at bay.  Nor can you run from it or hide yourself away.  It penetrates all barriers, breaks through all locks, seeps beneath all defenses.  When darkness sets its sights on you, nothing will deter it.  It won’t rest until it has you by the throat, strangling you with long, cold, unflinching fingers.

It wants to destroy you.

Darkness persists.  It permeates.  It putrefies.  It rapes, beats you and leaves you for dead.

It plants its seed deep in your soul.

Darkness comes when least expected.  During a wedding.  In the middle of a church service.  At a Christmas party.  During a family reunion.  Suddenly, in the middle of a celebration, it is there.  Sucking all the joy out of the room.  Out of your life.  Tainting everything it touches.  Drowning you down. Suffocating you.

Sometimes it comes when you are a child  during an innocent afternoon spent with your father, your protector, the man you adore.  Over Christmas break.  Or summer break…he is a teacher.  Or before he leaves for work.  It comes.  It diminishes you.  It breaks you. It destroys you as his perverted, horrible lust takes control.  When he touches your breasts.  Your clitoris.  Pushes his fingers inside of you.  Buries his penis in your mouth.  In your vagina.  Again and again.

Darkness comes.  It cackles with glee.

It has you now.  You have been infected.  There is no cure.

There is no escape.

Darkness comes when the man you love with all of your heart tells you he doesn’t love you.  When he tells you that you are so much less than, inadequate, defective.  When he tells you to keep the ugliness of who you are to yourself.  To keep it all inside.  Because he doesn’t want to hear it.  Doesn’t want to know you.  Doesn’t want to be bothered.

Darkness comes.  It comes cloaked in abuse.  In rejection.  In disdain.  And it, in turn, cloaks you in shame.

Light cannot penetrate this darkness.  Hope cannot endure it. 

Darkness comes.  And it destroys your life.  It steals away everything that matters.  Everything that was good about you.  It steals.  It destroys.  It takes.  It demands.  And it snickers in victory as it watches you wither away.  As you are consumed by numbness and emptiness. As you are utterly decimated.

It rejoices as you are devoured by the dark seeds that impregnated you.

Wisdom cannot defeat it.  Nor can willpower.  Only love can overcome the darkness.  But love can’t see you, cloaked as you are in shame, hidden by the night.  So the years pass.  So your lifeblood flows from you.  So time runs out.

Darkness comes; stealthy and persistent.  It comes.  And it never lets you go.

 

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