Almost Made It

Almost made it through another week…that’s a good things, you know.  Sometimes, at the beginning of the week, I’m not sure I will successfully navigate all the challenges the work week throws my direction.  This week has been especially tough because I’ve had problems with potassium and sodium levels, feeling weak and faint, major cramping in my feet and depression.  When I don’t feel well physically and am struggling with depression (which, by the way, I’m ALWAYS struggling with depression), it’s much harder to keep going and to perform at work the way I need to perform.

Did I perform the way I needed to at work this week?  Well, honestly, probably not.  I tried.  I gave it my best shot.  I did all I could do, considering my limitations and challenges and health.  Issues.  I have issues.  I HATE having issues.  Sometimes I feel like that’s all I am…just one big, frickin’ stupid issue walking around in the world, disguised as a human being, but not human and barely being.

I have so many things I need to accomplish that I am not accomplishing, both at work and at home.  If I could stop all the crazy behavior centered around my lovely eating disorder, I would have a lot more time and energy to tackle those tasks.  But my life totally revolves around ED, as he is affectionately referred to in the eating disorder world.  ED is demanding.  But I don’t know how to live without him.  Hate him.  Love him.

I feel so stupid for struggling the way I do.

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